As I crash and burn through life
Sometimes imploding in a single moment of strife
A failure in an otherwise successful mission
On the brink of a jubilee silver
Lining in the clouds I don’t often see.
I know one thing,
I’m probably not your average Joe,
Although I admit I’m very unremarkable,
Maybe I have a foe,
I have icky yucky moments like eating fish roe,
Skinny lad only vaguely interested in the ideal body
Rock solid abs and pecs so massive they might have been carved out of granite.
Phasing through what I need vs what my parents want but who cares?
I’m just a big baby.
In a constantly distracted state of mind
Lost in the lovemaking of intellect and emotion and carnal desire
A ménage a trois decried by the religion of spirituality
Living in a myopic society full of people suffering from mental hypermetropia,
Overseen by the few who have made it
Astigmatic towards those climbing the ladder right behind them
Flailing for the top rung in the darkness of self-determination,
I’m in constant rumination.
Today it’s all big words,
The only frontier anyone actually ever knows about
A race where no one ever comes first.
I guess I have to keep running till my lungs burst
Pop goes the weasel!
I know nothing
But I know everything
Nothing is perfect
You will break the heart of the one who loves you
Not because you don’t care
Maybe not nearly enough.
Friends will come and go through you
And the ones who stay turn out like your favourite underwear
Well-worn and torn and ready to be tossed into the trash because they have been used just a little too much.
An adult pretty much still a child but without the psychotic nature of adolescence
Gripped with the dengue
Fever of making something of yourself
Silver spoon or not
I am eternally weighed down by things not yet realized
In a virtual reality where dreams are real
And I am
Somnambulating through the untethering of my aspirations from the well weeded path my forebears set down for me.
This beautiful boy is
Simply walking through this life
May be this is a reminder
You cannot grasp life
It is meaningless to hold on.
I have done what I can
In this life
I loved and hated and sinned and was forgiven
And by grace I am saved,
Still I am here
I am not.
© Sena Frost 2k16