Sometimes the superficial is borne out of deep waters. A backstory to some of the indulgent which comes from suffering great loss. The age we discover love for ourselves is also the age some of us turn our backs on redemption.

To those who have been broken and have yet to open their eyes to the light.


“I have to go.”

She wrested herself from my embrace on the pallet and sat over the side of the bed.

“Why?” I queried.

She rose, her behind wiggling slightly.

She bent over, her long legs lean and glowing softly in the low light.

“I- have- group- discussions” she grunted as she shimmied into her skinny jeans.

I sat by my side of the small bed, one hand on the bedside table.

The pack of condoms were there, unused.

My goal however was a half-drunk glass of whiskey.

I made my way to my pc.

“Bra.” She said as I booted it up.

I picked up the brassiere from the chair and flung it at her.

She caught it in a smooth flowing motion.

Her breasts heaved in a figure-of-eight motion.

I felt my penis rise. I shrugged and grabbed a game pad.

I did not pay attention as she left the room sobbing.

The strains of Drake’s Hold On, We’re Going Home rose to fill the dead room.

Five minutes later my phone screen lit “I hate you for this.”

I never replied. I was too busy playing Call of Duty.


“Hi” she giggled

I smiled back at her.

We were perched on the wall just outside the club.

I spotted her a half hour earlier

Her moves were limber

Like a cat stalking

“My hostel is just around the corner. Wanna walk me?” she slurred, the contents of her plastic cup sloshing around a bit.

I said nothing.

“Well?” she spread her arms and gazed at me.

I showed her my back and she hopped on.

She rode piggy back all the way.

She smelled of apple blossoms and perfume alcohol.

“That’s odd.” I thought out loud.

“Wha?” she breathed into my ear.

I kept walking.

We got to her hostel room.

I let her dismount and turned around to leave.

“Are you coming in or not?” She leaned in the frame of her door; her sheer dress hiked all the way up to her narrow hips.

She thrust them a little and pointed at me.

The clarity of her voice and the lack of liquor in her breath said it all.

Her eyes burned into mine for an eternity.

Then she pulled me in by the collar.

“I’m not drunk.”


We sank into the sand, her breaths coming in raggedly

She mounted me

I groped for the hem of her dress

She guided my hand below.

My index finger glided over lacy panty material.

With a knowing flick I shifted it to the side.

The tell-tale wetness and throbbing greeted it.

She let out a muted groan

She grabbed my shoulder.

She was panting now; hushed by the booming crash of the waves.

I rubbed away

An Aladdin searching for his genie of the lamp.

I felt something hot cascade all over my finger and onto my jeans.

She fell forward, limp.

She quivered ever so slightly as the scent of musk and sweat teased my nostrils.


“Leave the lights on”

She unbuckled my belt, her small hands moving swiftly.

Then she shucked off my t-shirt.

“My turn” she muttered.

I pulled off her crop top and undid the clasp of her bra.

Her skirt zipper rent the silence.

Then she lay before me

A chocolate goddess.

Her pendulous breasts heaved gently.

The rush of blood quickened in my penis and it twitched.

She smirked at the sight of that.

She crawled on all fours

The head of my penis was enveloped with a wet coolness as she reached my crotch.

She sucked

And I pulled her hair none too gently.


I lay her on her large desk and straddled her

We kissed; our glasses clinking softly as our heads swivelled.

I thrust in rapid bursts.

Her forehead gleamed with sweat.

Then it was all over.

“Come by after you’re done with school and let’s talk about your service.”


“This is my last semester. I’m worried I’d end uni without getting any action at all.” I fretted.

“Relax. Just be cool. You’ll be surprised.” She consoled over the phone.

There was a moment of static then she hung up.

I was outside my room.

It was locked from the inside.

  1. Cole’s Power Trip seeped through the spaces in the door.

I knew.

He was getting laid; my roommate.


I had a fatal attachment to girls who were already in relationships.

“Oh Sameera”

I never knew she was in one.

I had just come from confession.

I was sat on the stairs of the parish hall.

I stared at her photo

She had dark eyes and baroque carved lips

And her fringe framed her heavyset face

“You used me!”

The tears fell hot.

I felt something give way within me.

“How could I have loved someone so cruel?”

I turned around and glared at the crucifix.

“I have found no redemption here. I have been the good guy. I have abstained. I have not cheated or lied or anything the bad guys do. But my heart had to be toyed with.”

Rage took over me.

“If I can’t be accepted here doing things your way, then I might as well go into the world.”

I screamed.

I had been going to church regularly for twenty-one years.

Today is the last day.

© Sena Frost “18
David Moyes’ the Chosen One Banner hanging at Old Trafford during the Barclays Premier League  2013-14 season.
Image courtesy Google Images


Cardinal Evils

Ɖeka –  Gluttony


Because I have you,

I will use you however I like

I’ll be damned if I must share with anybody else

You are mine

It’s that simple


Eve – lust

I long for you

You who put desire within my loins

swelling with carnal energy

I need not hide my desire

Why should I?

When all I want is you



Etɔ̃ Greed

You are not enough

I must have more of you

I will gather all the parts of you scattered into the wind

Because I need to have you


Ene – Pride

I have you.

Why should I have to settle for anything less?

Why should I give you away for anyone who needs you more?

I am better than them

I am the greater good

I deserve the best



Atɔ̃ Envy


Why do you have the best and not me?

I don’t understand

Am I not good enough to have the best?

When clearly you would fit me better?



Ade – Wrath

I don’t care if someone else has you

I will take you, and I will kill anyone who attempts to try saving you

Even if you are the one trying to save yourself

If I cannot have you no one else will




Who works after having the best?

You are here forever

I have all the time in the world

There is no hurry

There is always tomorrow



Enyi – Condemnation

I am in darkness

Host for the seven evils

Feeding off my sin

My mortal imperfection

Makes me prone to the Cardinal Evil

I should be dead before the day is done

Consumed by nightfall

I will not be forgiven

This I know

 I am in the lowest depths of Tartarus

A slave to my own Inferno

I burn

In the flames that do not purify

All hope is abandoned

And in my hell

A voice whispers to me

“But I AM”


Botticelli’s Map of Dante’s inferno – courtesy google images

© Sena Frost – ‘17

2011: The Back Story

Author’s Note:
This is the back story to the poem 2011. If you haven’t read it, click here
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person or place is purely coincidental.


DAY 90
0500 GMT

My eyes flicked open suddenly. In the semi-darkness I groped for my earphones. Then I lurched towards the table where the extension board lay. The amber lights glowed insidiously. I unplugged my phone and pitched back into bed. I slid the phone up and started my music player. Then I hugged my pillow tight as the hot tears streaked down my cheeks. I bit into it, muffling my sobs.


0800 GMT

I made my way towards my department. Head bowed, listening to music. I passed by Baffour and the gang at the carpark where they usually ogled the girls and catcalled them. I went through the gate and winced. The studio was in a mess again. The lecturer was certainly going to lay into me again. “Why did I even volunteer to be course rep?” I muttered to myself. I went and dumped my bag in my usual spot at the front of the class and grabbed a broom. Quickly I started sweeping. The talkative girls in the class hushed up at the sweeping strokes. I paused briefly to adjust the earphones.

“Hi.” I turned around. It was Mavis again. She flashed her gap-toothed smile at me. I grimaced. “Hey.” I replied. “Need a hand?”  she motioned towards the part of the studio still unswept. I shrugged. “As for you di3.” She came for the broom and punched me playfully. Meanwhile the chatter had gone back up again. I stepped back as Mavis sashayed across the space. For a few minutes I watched her apple bottom going through the motions then I went back into the lecture hall.

A few minutes later she plonked into the seat right beside mine. Looking a bit disheveled but still beaming a wide smile at me. Mavis had big eyes and a snub nose. Her smile was electric though. She wore an orange t shirt with the inscription “Pinch me I’m cute”. I smiled, or tried to.

The lecturer curtly walked into class and I snapped forward, before Mavis could try to make any conversation.

1100 GMT

I milled through the sea of students pouring out of the small department gate. I heard someone call my name. I turned. It was Mavis, all five foot-two of her pear figure swept underfoot in the rush. There was only one lecture on Fridays, so most people usually rushed to the bus station to catch the bus to Accra. I wasn’t going anywhere this weekend though. My immediate concern was brunch. I hadn’t had anything to eat. I went straight to the car park to wait for Mavis. I don’t know why she was calling me.

“Who you de chok, ma guy?” queried Baffour. He was seated on the short wall with his cronies. I looked him in the eye and shrugged. Baffour scratched his aquiline nose and glared back. He had a hawkish feel about him. His gold necklace glinted in the sunlight as he bobbed his head to some hip-hop music one of his friends was playing. “I sure say he de chok Mavis.” Frosty, one of his buds replied.  I gave him the once over.
“That girl de feel you charle. If you no like a, tell me make I handle am cos the dull things you de do di3. The way she de bee san so get body, everybody en eye dey top.” I sighed. Not this again. “I no know what I go tell you sef.” I looked at him again. I towered over him. Presently I felt an arm wrap round my waist. I knew who it was without even looking. “Let’s go.” She whispered.
“Mavis.” Baffour called out. “Yes, Baffour. How can I help you.” Her shrill voice pitched almost musically. “You for come visit me sometime o. This jon boy you de follow no go help you. The way I de feel you, you for come make I show you some one-two bi like that.” Baffour made to hold her free hand. Mavis giggled, and side stepped. “No thank you Baffour. Besides aren’t you dating Mawusi? You know she’s my friend.” “Oh, abi you too you be ma friend. If you come visit me what go happen? You de do like I be some distin. You di3 e chill.”
“Mavis let’s go. I’m hungry.” I pulled her away from the car park and walked away. “Aww.” She rubbed my stomach. “Let’s go to my hostel. I cooked some food.” I nodded and let her lead me away.

As we made through the path to her hostel behind campus, we spoke. Mavis is my best friend’s girlfriend. He happened to be in another school. So I was kinda in charge of her wellbeing here. You’d never know, from the way she looked out for me. Not that I cared. Nothing really moved me.

I absentmindedly flicked my phone up. The love of my life beamed back at me. Penny. It had been ninety days since the incident. I reached for my earphones from my pocket almost immediately. Mavis smacked my hand. “I told you. When you’re walking with me no earphones.” She punched me in the shoulder again.

We reached the ruins of a wall which corralled her hostel. I reached across. “Help me over.” Mavis beckoned. Don’t look at me funny. It was either the wall or the main gate. The hostel manager didn’t like boys coming to the hostel for any reason. Everyone avoided him by using the ruined wall route. I picked her up like a child. There are advantages to being six foot-six. She snuggled right on my shoulder and I carried her to her room. It was an unspoken rule we had. I caught a whiff of her perfume. She smelled like frangipani blossoms.

Wordlessly we went right into the meal. Rice and gravy. Not like I was going to eat anything better if I had gone to my room. Mavis had no roommate. Who would? If their room was a cramped cubicle only twice as big as I was tall. Somehow though it seemed spacious. Maybe it was the way she arranged her stuff in the room. There was one window with twin shutters which filtered in rays of light. We never bother to turn the lights on. I went to her porch to do the dishes while she went to take a shower. I took the plates back inside. The curtain separating her bathroom from the rest of the room rustled. I looked up and saw Mavis.

Mavis had her towel wrapped around her. The ceiling fan creaked noisily in the silence that followed. A bead of sweat trickled down my temple. It was steamy all of a sudden. “Come here.” I croaked. Wordlessly she waltzed to me and unbuckled my trousers none too gently as I sat on her cot. She straddled me and I felt the hairy warmth between her legs. Her lips were slightly parted. We kissed furiously as her towel fell to the floor.


1500 GMT

I picked up my clothes from the floor and put them on. Mavis was still sleeping. In the half light, she looked childlike. Her small breasts heaved rhythmically. I touched her cheek and she murmured her boyfriend’s name. I grabbed my bag and stole out of the room. I went to the bus stop and hailed a taxi headed to the shore. I needed to get my mind off this.

About half a kilometre from the beach, I got out and trekked. The sea gleamed turquoise today. The sea spray was cooling as it buffeted my clothes. I walked out to the waves. There was a cluster of rocks which showed at low tide. I perched atop it and looked into the great expanse. I pulled out my phone and flicked it open. I went to messages and immediately dialed in a familiar number. Message one hundred and seventy-eight. “I slept with Mavis again today. I don’t think its her fault. Maybe she misses her boyfriend that’s why she gets with me. She’s a good girl though. She’s funny and has a beautiful smile. But she got nothing on you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She’s my best friend’s girl. I miss you. I miss talking to you. Hearing your voice going loco over some stuff you really like. Please text me back.” My finger hovered over the send button. I pressed the “save as draft” button and pushed my phone back into my pocket. The breakers swirled at the bottom of the rock. It was a quiet beach day though. No one else was here. I grabbed my phone in my pocket and squeezed. I felt the plastic splinter a little. I wanted to throw something. I looked at the horizon and screamed.


2348 GMT

The music blared across the hall floor. My vision swam, as I cradled a cup full of punch in my hand. Cup number twenty-six. The room was humid with the sweaty bodies of boys and girls dancing and groping. I withdrew into the inner room. It was dark. I reached out of support as I tottered in. I touched flesh and a girl squealed. “Charle you for make steady o.” a gruff voice intoned. “Boss sorry wai.” I apologized and sat on the floor.

I was holding Marvin’s room phone. He had a landline in the room. Perks of being an SRC rep. I dialed in the familiar number using my backlit phone as illumination. The dial tone buzzed in my ears.

“Hello?” her voice came through on the other end. “Penny.” I breathed, my tongue slurred. “Russell?” she sounded panicky. “Penny. I- I – I messed up again.” I spoke again. I heard her breathing at the other end. “I slept with my best friend’s girlfriend. I don’t even feel bad about it.”

Penny said nothing. “Penny!” I bawled into the phone. “I miss you. Talk to me. Say something please.” Penny’s breath quickened. “Please. I still love you. I need you. My life is empty without you.”

The couple making out in the room said something. I ignored them. “Russell. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Penny’s voice cracked. “I know. I’m lucky you picked up. I’m lucky we’re still talking. Please don’t go.” My voice suddenly pitched. I took a swig of the punch. “You had two Russells and you chose the wrong one, Penny. Can’t you see that I love you?”

“I have never had any feelings for you. I’m happy with Russ. I don’t understand why you can’t be happy for me. I just can’t” her voice broke. “Penny was sobbing. “Does it matter? I know he treats you like crap. Sleeping with other girls and other things. You know I’d never do that to you.”

Penny fell silent. “Penny? PENNY!” I screamed. “I gotta go. I’m sorry. I can’t keep talking to you if you’re just going to be like this.” She sounded hushed. “Penny. Please don’t go. I’m sorry. I’m- “the line clicked, and the phone went dead in my sweat slicked hand. I let the receiver go. It clacked to the floor.

I started laughing. It rose in crescendo, a raucous guffaw that unsettled the couple and they finally left the room; raining curses at me.

I laughed harder.


Drake – Marvin’s Room

image courtesy google images

© Sena Frost ‘17


Your skin like burnished coal

Warm to the feel

I wanna touch

Let my hands wander down

The doll body

Peeling back the clothes

Revealing you

Lithe and live

And nubile and unsullied

To make my plaything

A toy for the black days

Where we wrap each other

Under the weather

Your body on mine


A torrent of sighs cascading in our singular form

Writhing like a conjoined deity


There can be no rush

As we grope and feel and caress and thrust

Giddy to the pearly beads of sweat pooling in the desire of our lovemaking

You are


Mistress in distress

To destress

Nothing more nothing less

Oh but to kiss your skin

Glowing like burnished coal

To taste your heifer breasts

To feed off your prepubescent body

Ripe in libidinous luminescence

A magnificent spectacle

Oh the thrill

The striking passion

All in the glorious game

Of a man who must not be caught

© Sena Frost “17
photo courtesy google images


I’m in Marvin’s room

Sitting by the ‘phone

Just staring at them blowing a ‘shroom

The click of the keyring before the dial tone

Rings loudly

The phone

I pick it up

Cradling my cup set full of Rosé

“Talk to me

Please say something”

She breathes on the other side of the line

“I slept with my best friend’s girlfriend

I didn’t even feel bad about it”

She breathes on the other side of the line

“I see you in my dreams at night

An angel dressed in white

My angel


Give me a chance

Cos I know you’re the one for me”

She says nothing

I am in Marvin’s room

Sitting by the phone

Just staring at them blowing a ‘shroom

The click of the keyring before the dial tone

Rings loudly

The phone

I pick it up

Cradling my cup set full of Rosé

“Talk to me

Please say something”

She breathes on the other side of the line

“I don’t love you

I’ve never loved you

Can you just be happy for me?

I love him ”

I breathe on the other side of the line

“We can’t be anything more than this

You’re like a brother to me”

I breathe on the other side of the line

The words a lump in my throat

I’m in Marvin’s room

Sitting by the ‘phone

Just staring at them blowing a ‘shroom

The click of the keyring before the dial tone

Rings loudly

The phone

I pick it up

Cradling my cup set full of Rosé

There is no speak

Just breathing

“I miss you”

Just breathing

I scream

I slam the receiver into its cradle and leave the room

The room intoxicated with the fumes of young love and happy couples reminding me of the cold hollow inside me

“I love you

I love you so much it hurts”

The tear lines appear

Slit wrists

The blood and salt coagulate on my shoes

I bleed

I cry

My sobs drowned

While the music rages on

I’m in Marvin’s room

Sitting by the ‘phone

Just staring at them blowing a ‘shroom

The click of the keyring before the dial tone

Rings loudly

The phone

I pick it up

Cradling my cup set full of Rosé

Just breathing

© Sena Frost “17

Drake – Marvin’s Room

Image courtesy google images


We are hedonists all the time
Indulging in the pleasures we have not worked for
We spend long hours in a drunken state of self
But we don’t want the sickly hangover that comes after
We revel in the joy of youth
Bathing in its elixir
But we don’t want the pain that comes with growing up
Freedom is orgasmic
But the toll it exacts is your life
It’s not Never-land
Where Peter Pan never grew up
It’s pregnant with babies we never bargained for while we were messing around
Whether we like it or not we have sole custody
We can’t be contraceptive
Relishing only the sweet fruit and throwing out the bitter seed
Living in an idyllic pasture
On this plane of existence
You’re either all in or out
Ain’t no half measures
Or harvesting what you haven’t sown
So next time you catcall the sweet things
Be ready to birth blood, sweat and tears

© Sena Frost ’17

image courtesy google images

How to Survive the Adulthood Thing



I have a few things on my mind about the whole adulting thing I’d like to share. As with the few articles I write, I’ll break them down into categories as much as possible.

Adulthood comes as a shock for us millennials. From having everything provided for us from childhood till undergraduate studies, it is a rude awakening some of us experience from national service and afterwards.

There’s an expectation that we should have figured everything out for our lives as soon as possible. If you have cool parents, you hear the question “So what are your plans?”. If your folks are not cool too, they just cut you off. No funding, nothing. You’re expected to move out and figure out life.

This brings an immense pressure to be successful right off the bat. I personally cursed myself for not starting an entrepreneurial service while in university. Finding jobs is hard enough and then becoming painfully aware of some expenses one never had to think about poses another problem.

We lose and make friends and some old relationships die out. Loss is a necessary part of growth unfortunately. We need to figure out how to discover ourselves and remain true to the philosophies we develop.

I am still figuring everything out, but I will share the nuggets of wisdom I have found along the journey of coming of age.

Okay. Here we go!






  1. Let’s face it. You are not going to land your dream job immediately after coming out of school. The few who do are the exception and not the rule. You’d most likely spend the bulk of your 20s in jobs you don’t like. Rather than just sulking and hating your job (believe me I know how that feels) take it as an opportunity to learn. There are new skills and ethics to learn anywhere you find yourself. It doesn’t matter what you did in school and what class of degree you were honored with. Your talents could take you elsewhere. There is no friendly fire in the field of work. Get all the experience you can from your current employment. This would prove invaluable in your future endeavors. Never pass up on an opportunity to learn and improve because you “don’t like” your job.


  1. You don’t have to be rude with everybody you don’t like at work. You must attempt to be polite and well-mannered even to the most inconsiderate clients and colleagues at work. That way you earn respect even among rivals and potential enemies you make. In the event you leave your workplace it can earn you good recommendations from whoever you worked with and for before.


  1. Work is work. You don’t have to like your job to be good at it. It is important to know that your workplace isn’t always a place to have fun. It is where solutions to problems are solved. Keep your head down and put in your best output. A haphazard approach to your job jeopardizes your referrals in the future. You never know when you need a good word from your employer even if you do not intend to work for someone in the future. When you are at work, be professional.


  1. Look out for internships. This is a great way to get a potential employer to build trust in you as well as hone your skills and improve yourself.


  1. If you are going to start your own business, then you need to have a well thought out business plan. Make enquiries about starting a business and its obligations and ramifications. Befriend people who are already in the industry. Learn from them as much as possible. If you are looking for sponsorship make sure to write a business proposal you can present to potential investors. No one is going to put their hard-earned money into pipe dreams. They only invest in works in progress. It is not enough to talk about your ideas. Put them to action. Start something. Only then will the bank rollers take you seriously.


  1. Entrepreneurship is no boat ride. It is hard even financing yourself. There are many pitfalls which come up on a daily basis. Forget the illusion of working for yourself motivational speakers sell to you. You must be prepared to shed blood and tears for it. Ideally work a couple of years and cultivate the level of professionalism you need to successfully run your own gig. WORK BEFORE YOU START YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur.


  1. Do not be afraid to fail. It is an unpleasant experience. Most Ghanaian businesses are never heard of again because they failed and never got back up. Failure provides an opportunity for evaluation. It is only a fool who never learns from his mistakes. I am yet to see a baby who has never walked simply because it stopped trying after falling many times. When you fail, do not give up. It is that indomitable nature which will keep you and your business up in trying times. You must temper this with pragmatism though. Some ideas are bound to fail from the get go. Be practical in whatever you do, and your windows of failure would be reduced somewhat.


  1. Passion is overrated. It is no longer good enough to simply just love what you do. Do not make pointless sacrifices if you are not prepared to plan and learn and relearn and unlearn. Nobody is in your corner except you. You must work hard and alone, and it could take years, even decades to be fully successful. If you understand all of this, then remember; The only competition you have is with yourself.


  1. Creatives wake up! The real world of creativity does not wait for you to come up with ideas in the comfort of your own home. The beautiful work you spend months leisurely doing in school now needs hours to do from concept to execution in the real world. Do not be lazy! Learn to think on your feet and cut out “trendy” designs for clean and practical ones. You need to temper your flair with a didactic approach when you are doing work for a client. You are commissioned to solve a need not show off your creative skills. A job well-done is where the client tells you and pays you off, not the opinion of a fellow creative on how “unreasonable or clueless” the client might be. Remember, be professional even if they are not.


  1. Keep an open mind. You are not the repository of knowledge in your field. Do not argue out mistakes or unduly criticize any motive unless you understand it. Accept corrections and ask for a second opinion on assignments you are tasked with.


  1. When working for a client, assume they do not know what they want. Most of the time that is the case. Use your expertise to make the best suggestions as to what they need. Don’t be too focused on how much money you are going to make off them. Focus on excellence and success will chase you pants down.


  1. Reputation is everything. As I have already mentioned in bits and pieces, be known for professionally good traits. Be on time for work. Have a cordial rapport with everybody. Be polite, except in extreme cases. The way you approach your employed job is the same way you would approach your own pet project. So take care of your reputation.






Money. It slips between your fingers like water through a basket. We like spending a lot, especially on things we do not need. Clothing, airtime, chilling, miscellaneous needs. When the parental bank closes and we have to rely on ourselves then we realize that money is necessary for a lot of things.


  1. Everything you need should fall within a budget. Work around your income sources and know what you need so you can plan for it. Always leave room in your budget for unexpected expenses.


  1. Cut down on spending. If something you buy is not going to impact you positively then you do not need it. Cut down on unnecessary calls and social media you do not need. You do not need to go out every weekend or be at the top of the trend market.


  1. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! Once again SAVE! The truth is your first salary is so meagre you basically have to live paycheck to paycheck. There is an unspoken rule however that if you don’t have at least twice the amount of money you have in your account to buy something, then you can’t afford it. Make ends meet. Eat from home, cook. Remind yourself “there is rice at home” if you are tempted to spend money you are saving. Saving for rainy days will help you when they hit.


  1. Aside from your savings, invest in treasury bills and fixed deposits as a way to grow your finances. This is very helpful if you are saving towards an objective.


  1. Learn about pension schemes and insurance. Insurance companies will be more than happy to provide you with information on their schemes. Your parents are also an invaluable source of knowledge when it comes to finances. Speak to them and older people. They would give you a personal story of their experiences.






We get into university and tertiary institutions with very idealistic approaches. When the reality hits however we lose certain parts of ourselves and the people connected to them. Self-discovery and growth is like that. Change is constant. We must embrace it. We tend to underrate the value of personal relationships as young adults a lot. We are not discerning with our choice of friends and partner so most of the time we are left clutching straws.

  1. Take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise your body. Challenge your mental faculties. It is necessary to be healthy and be in shape. This impacts positively on the rest of your life. A healthy and fit person has pretty good self-esteem. Watching and reading educational material also exercises your mind. Go for a spoken word show. Read a book. Have a healthy debate on a topic. You are responsible for yourself. Go for regular medical checkups. Seek professional help if you feel mentally unstable or depressed. A healthy mind and body reduces the likelihood of ill health. Learn to cook. When you cook you have an intimate understanding of the processes you go through to nourish yourself. It also has the added benefit of cutting down on expenses.


  1. Keep your faith. If your religious faith is very important to you, then be sure to abide by all its tenets. You can’t choose what you like about your religion and leave some parts out. Read your religious books and have a personal understanding for yourself. Spiritual enlightenment will always keep you out of the hands of charlatans looking to prey on vulnerable people. If you are not a religious person, you need to stick to your personal philosophy nonetheless. An amoral person is not a lawless person.


  1. Groom yourself. Keep your appearance neat. You never know who you might meet. From your clothing to your hair and breath, always look tidy as much as possible when you are in public. A slovenly appearance means people wouldn’t take you seriously.


  1. Be responsible sexually. Use protection and try to keep as few sexual partners as possible. AIDS is still very real. Antibiotic resistant strains of usually curable sexual infections are also cropping up. Hepatitis and HPV (Human Papillomavirus) infections as well as Herpes are other non-curable sexually transmitted infections most people do not know about. Use the morning after pill or go get the regular contraceptive pill if you want to hit it raw but don’t want to have a baby.


  1. Talk to your parents. They are also human beings like you, not monsters. When we become adolescents we often get off on the wrong end of our parents’ challenges and arguments. When we become adults, they give us more leeway than we usually think we do. You won’t find out until you have had a conversation with them. Parents are surprisingly warmer than we give them credit for. After all they were once like us.


  1. There are NO fake friends. There are different levels of friendship. We tend to have very few friends close to us. Most of the times we are just acquainted with a lot of people we share specific interests with. Sometimes we invest so much time and resources with people who honestly don’t see us in the same way. In male relationship circles, trust is small and only earned after shared experiences and recommendations. This does not mean you should cut people off. Even rogues have their uses. It is necessary to remain cordial even if distant. Keep your circle of friends small and your acquaintances big.


  1. Be responsible on social media. Do not unnecessarily antagonize people online. As much as possible keep your social media footprint as low as possible. Have fun and do not take everything too seriously. Be cordial and do not post anything you wouldn’t want your employees and close friends and family to see online.


  1. You are entitled to an INFORMED Don’t talk about what you don’t know. You will only look like a fool. If you don’t know, keep quiet and observe. Google is your friend. A quick search will make you look like the wisest person on planet earth.


  1. Be polite. Even when people come across as jerks and silly, remain in control and polite. Some people suck at first impressions. I know. I am one of them. Do not use unfamiliarity as an excuse to be rude. Unless you are hard pressed to get out of a situation just be firm but polite about your refusal. It is not polite to air people as well.


  1. Keep an open mind. In a confusing age of gender fluidity and sexual orientation, it is important to keep an open mind and respect other people. The fact that someone might be gay does not mean he or she is an abominable creature. It is not your place to question their motives or “convert” them. Just avoid unsavory topics you would rather not broach with them.


  1. You are not entitled to anything. You are not going to get the best of everything. People will be rude to you and ignore you. You would feel left out of things. You would feel alone sometimes. This is when you need to understand your nature and believe in yourself. This sounds contradictory to the first few points I may have made earlier. Your faith is not a guarantee of anything. Do not go shoving it down other people’s throats. People will love you more for your personality than your faith.


  1. Learn to be socially pleasant. As an introvert there is nothing I want to do more than flee crowded places most of the time. With time however I have become something of an ambivert. Simply by being pleasant and making conversation rather than speaking only when spoken to, I have been mistaken to be outgoing on a couple of occasions. Social conduct is a skill anyone can learn. Don’t be rude in the name of being introverted.


  1. Your partner must be your friend. I know for us males, sometimes we set out to “hunt” and run girls so they can be our girlfriends. This ends up with having romantic connections to someone who barely knows us and vice versa. In this turbulent decade, it is prudent to get to know your partner and be friends who can talk about any subject other than yourself. Relationships are built on trust. This trust is fueled by friendship and camaraderie.


  1. People will come and go. It is hard to keep positive memories of people after having a falling out. It is important to remain cordial even when you don’t want to. Let the past be the past. There is nothing you can do about it. Look forward to the future and better relationships.


  1. Spend time with yourself and appreciate your own company. Self-evaluation is very important if you are identifying your strengths and weaknesses. Assess yourself. Take note of negative habits. Work on them. When you know yourself, and appreciate and work on your flaws, no one can make you feel inferior ever. You are your best friend and your worst enemy.



Coming of age means that you would be expected to take up certain roles in your religious faith and social circles. They also come with their own pressures and expectations. I would outline a few things from my experience.

  1. Be prepared. DON’T accept a position if you know you can’t make time for it. Organizations require professional commitments which can sometimes clash with other responsibilities. If you know you aren’t prepared to handle the responsibilities which come with the position then please, flee.


  1. Be professional when you are in the position. Even if you later change your mind on why you accepted the position, you need to act responsibly until a replacement is found for you. A lack of commitment can hurt future recommendations which you might require in the future. Help the team in the best of efforts you can contribute.


  1. Do not second-guess the actions of your superiors. They might be facing the same dilemmas mentioned in points 1 and 2. In your criticism be constructive and mindful of what you say or do. If you are not happy about certain decisions, express them in the most appropriate of ways. Organizations move forward better when all contributors are transparent.



Whew! I think I’m done for now. I can’t think of anything more to say for now. Adulthood requires responsibility. Just keep your head down and talk to your parents and you’ll be fine most of the time. Remember. E go bee.