Sometimes the superficial is borne out of deep waters. A backstory to some of the indulgent which comes from suffering great loss. The age we discover love for ourselves is also the age some of us turn our backs on redemption.
To those who have been broken and have yet to open their eyes to the light.
THE NIGHT BEFORE GRADUATION
“I have to go.”
She wrested herself from my embrace on the pallet and sat over the side of the bed.
“Why?” I queried.
She rose, her behind wiggling slightly.
She bent over, her long legs lean and glowing softly in the low light.
“I- have- group- discussions” she grunted as she shimmied into her skinny jeans.
I sat by my side of the small bed, one hand on the bedside table.
The pack of condoms were there, unused.
My goal however was a half-drunk glass of whiskey.
I made my way to my pc.
“Bra.” She said as I booted it up.
I picked up the brassiere from the chair and flung it at her.
She caught it in a smooth flowing motion.
Her breasts heaved in a figure-of-eight motion.
I felt my penis rise. I shrugged and grabbed a game pad.
I did not pay attention as she left the room sobbing.
The strains of Drake’s Hold On, We’re Going Home rose to fill the dead room.
Five minutes later my phone screen lit “I hate you for this.”
I never replied. I was too busy playing Call of Duty.
“Hi” she giggled
I smiled back at her.
We were perched on the wall just outside the club.
I spotted her a half hour earlier
Her moves were limber
Like a cat stalking
“My hostel is just around the corner. Wanna walk me?” she slurred, the contents of her plastic cup sloshing around a bit.
I said nothing.
“Well?” she spread her arms and gazed at me.
I showed her my back and she hopped on.
She rode piggy back all the way.
She smelled of apple blossoms and perfume alcohol.
“That’s odd.” I thought out loud.
“Wha?” she breathed into my ear.
I kept walking.
We got to her hostel room.
I let her dismount and turned around to leave.
“Are you coming in or not?” She leaned in the frame of her door; her sheer dress hiked all the way up to her narrow hips.
She thrust them a little and pointed at me.
The clarity of her voice and the lack of liquor in her breath said it all.
Her eyes burned into mine for an eternity.
Then she pulled me in by the collar.
“I’m not drunk.”
We sank into the sand, her breaths coming in raggedly
She mounted me
I groped for the hem of her dress
She guided my hand below.
My index finger glided over lacy panty material.
With a knowing flick I shifted it to the side.
The tell-tale wetness and throbbing greeted it.
She let out a muted groan
She grabbed my shoulder.
She was panting now; hushed by the booming crash of the waves.
I rubbed away
An Aladdin searching for his genie of the lamp.
I felt something hot cascade all over my finger and onto my jeans.
She fell forward, limp.
She quivered ever so slightly as the scent of musk and sweat teased my nostrils.
“Leave the lights on”
She unbuckled my belt, her small hands moving swiftly.
Then she shucked off my t-shirt.
“My turn” she muttered.
I pulled off her crop top and undid the clasp of her bra.
Her skirt zipper rent the silence.
Then she lay before me
A chocolate goddess.
Her pendulous breasts heaved gently.
The rush of blood quickened in my penis and it twitched.
She smirked at the sight of that.
She crawled on all fours
The head of my penis was enveloped with a wet coolness as she reached my crotch.
And I pulled her hair none too gently.
I lay her on her large desk and straddled her
We kissed; our glasses clinking softly as our heads swivelled.
I thrust in rapid bursts.
Her forehead gleamed with sweat.
Then it was all over.
“Come by after you’re done with school and let’s talk about your service.”
“This is my last semester. I’m worried I’d end uni without getting any action at all.” I fretted.
“Relax. Just be cool. You’ll be surprised.” She consoled over the phone.
There was a moment of static then she hung up.
I was outside my room.
It was locked from the inside.
- Cole’s Power Trip seeped through the spaces in the door.
He was getting laid; my roommate.
I had a fatal attachment to girls who were already in relationships.
I never knew she was in one.
I had just come from confession.
I was sat on the stairs of the parish hall.
I stared at her photo
She had dark eyes and baroque carved lips
And her fringe framed her heavyset face
“You used me!”
The tears fell hot.
I felt something give way within me.
“How could I have loved someone so cruel?”
I turned around and glared at the crucifix.
“I have found no redemption here. I have been the good guy. I have abstained. I have not cheated or lied or anything the bad guys do. But my heart had to be toyed with.”
Rage took over me.
“If I can’t be accepted here doing things your way, then I might as well go into the world.”
I had been going to church regularly for twenty-one years.
Today is the last day.
© Sena Frost “18
David Moyes’ the Chosen One Banner hanging at Old Trafford during the Barclays Premier League 2013-14 season.
Image courtesy Google Images