How to Survive the Adulthood Thing



I have a few things on my mind about the whole adulting thing I’d like to share. As with the few articles I write, I’ll break them down into categories as much as possible.

Adulthood comes as a shock for us millennials. From having everything provided for us from childhood till undergraduate studies, it is a rude awakening some of us experience from national service and afterwards.

There’s an expectation that we should have figured everything out for our lives as soon as possible. If you have cool parents, you hear the question “So what are your plans?”. If your folks are not cool too, they just cut you off. No funding, nothing. You’re expected to move out and figure out life.

This brings an immense pressure to be successful right off the bat. I personally cursed myself for not starting an entrepreneurial service while in university. Finding jobs is hard enough and then becoming painfully aware of some expenses one never had to think about poses another problem.

We lose and make friends and some old relationships die out. Loss is a necessary part of growth unfortunately. We need to figure out how to discover ourselves and remain true to the philosophies we develop.

I am still figuring everything out, but I will share the nuggets of wisdom I have found along the journey of coming of age.

Okay. Here we go!






  1. Let’s face it. You are not going to land your dream job immediately after coming out of school. The few who do are the exception and not the rule. You’d most likely spend the bulk of your 20s in jobs you don’t like. Rather than just sulking and hating your job (believe me I know how that feels) take it as an opportunity to learn. There are new skills and ethics to learn anywhere you find yourself. It doesn’t matter what you did in school and what class of degree you were honored with. Your talents could take you elsewhere. There is no friendly fire in the field of work. Get all the experience you can from your current employment. This would prove invaluable in your future endeavors. Never pass up on an opportunity to learn and improve because you “don’t like” your job.


  1. You don’t have to be rude with everybody you don’t like at work. You must attempt to be polite and well-mannered even to the most inconsiderate clients and colleagues at work. That way you earn respect even among rivals and potential enemies you make. In the event you leave your workplace it can earn you good recommendations from whoever you worked with and for before.


  1. Work is work. You don’t have to like your job to be good at it. It is important to know that your workplace isn’t always a place to have fun. It is where solutions to problems are solved. Keep your head down and put in your best output. A haphazard approach to your job jeopardizes your referrals in the future. You never know when you need a good word from your employer even if you do not intend to work for someone in the future. When you are at work, be professional.


  1. Look out for internships. This is a great way to get a potential employer to build trust in you as well as hone your skills and improve yourself.


  1. If you are going to start your own business, then you need to have a well thought out business plan. Make enquiries about starting a business and its obligations and ramifications. Befriend people who are already in the industry. Learn from them as much as possible. If you are looking for sponsorship make sure to write a business proposal you can present to potential investors. No one is going to put their hard-earned money into pipe dreams. They only invest in works in progress. It is not enough to talk about your ideas. Put them to action. Start something. Only then will the bank rollers take you seriously.


  1. Entrepreneurship is no boat ride. It is hard even financing yourself. There are many pitfalls which come up on a daily basis. Forget the illusion of working for yourself motivational speakers sell to you. You must be prepared to shed blood and tears for it. Ideally work a couple of years and cultivate the level of professionalism you need to successfully run your own gig. WORK BEFORE YOU START YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur.


  1. Do not be afraid to fail. It is an unpleasant experience. Most Ghanaian businesses are never heard of again because they failed and never got back up. Failure provides an opportunity for evaluation. It is only a fool who never learns from his mistakes. I am yet to see a baby who has never walked simply because it stopped trying after falling many times. When you fail, do not give up. It is that indomitable nature which will keep you and your business up in trying times. You must temper this with pragmatism though. Some ideas are bound to fail from the get go. Be practical in whatever you do, and your windows of failure would be reduced somewhat.


  1. Passion is overrated. It is no longer good enough to simply just love what you do. Do not make pointless sacrifices if you are not prepared to plan and learn and relearn and unlearn. Nobody is in your corner except you. You must work hard and alone, and it could take years, even decades to be fully successful. If you understand all of this, then remember; The only competition you have is with yourself.


  1. Creatives wake up! The real world of creativity does not wait for you to come up with ideas in the comfort of your own home. The beautiful work you spend months leisurely doing in school now needs hours to do from concept to execution in the real world. Do not be lazy! Learn to think on your feet and cut out “trendy” designs for clean and practical ones. You need to temper your flair with a didactic approach when you are doing work for a client. You are commissioned to solve a need not show off your creative skills. A job well-done is where the client tells you and pays you off, not the opinion of a fellow creative on how “unreasonable or clueless” the client might be. Remember, be professional even if they are not.


  1. Keep an open mind. You are not the repository of knowledge in your field. Do not argue out mistakes or unduly criticize any motive unless you understand it. Accept corrections and ask for a second opinion on assignments you are tasked with.


  1. When working for a client, assume they do not know what they want. Most of the time that is the case. Use your expertise to make the best suggestions as to what they need. Don’t be too focused on how much money you are going to make off them. Focus on excellence and success will chase you pants down.


  1. Reputation is everything. As I have already mentioned in bits and pieces, be known for professionally good traits. Be on time for work. Have a cordial rapport with everybody. Be polite, except in extreme cases. The way you approach your employed job is the same way you would approach your own pet project. So take care of your reputation.






Money. It slips between your fingers like water through a basket. We like spending a lot, especially on things we do not need. Clothing, airtime, chilling, miscellaneous needs. When the parental bank closes and we have to rely on ourselves then we realize that money is necessary for a lot of things.


  1. Everything you need should fall within a budget. Work around your income sources and know what you need so you can plan for it. Always leave room in your budget for unexpected expenses.


  1. Cut down on spending. If something you buy is not going to impact you positively then you do not need it. Cut down on unnecessary calls and social media you do not need. You do not need to go out every weekend or be at the top of the trend market.


  1. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! Once again SAVE! The truth is your first salary is so meagre you basically have to live paycheck to paycheck. There is an unspoken rule however that if you don’t have at least twice the amount of money you have in your account to buy something, then you can’t afford it. Make ends meet. Eat from home, cook. Remind yourself “there is rice at home” if you are tempted to spend money you are saving. Saving for rainy days will help you when they hit.


  1. Aside from your savings, invest in treasury bills and fixed deposits as a way to grow your finances. This is very helpful if you are saving towards an objective.


  1. Learn about pension schemes and insurance. Insurance companies will be more than happy to provide you with information on their schemes. Your parents are also an invaluable source of knowledge when it comes to finances. Speak to them and older people. They would give you a personal story of their experiences.






We get into university and tertiary institutions with very idealistic approaches. When the reality hits however we lose certain parts of ourselves and the people connected to them. Self-discovery and growth is like that. Change is constant. We must embrace it. We tend to underrate the value of personal relationships as young adults a lot. We are not discerning with our choice of friends and partner so most of the time we are left clutching straws.

  1. Take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise your body. Challenge your mental faculties. It is necessary to be healthy and be in shape. This impacts positively on the rest of your life. A healthy and fit person has pretty good self-esteem. Watching and reading educational material also exercises your mind. Go for a spoken word show. Read a book. Have a healthy debate on a topic. You are responsible for yourself. Go for regular medical checkups. Seek professional help if you feel mentally unstable or depressed. A healthy mind and body reduces the likelihood of ill health. Learn to cook. When you cook you have an intimate understanding of the processes you go through to nourish yourself. It also has the added benefit of cutting down on expenses.


  1. Keep your faith. If your religious faith is very important to you, then be sure to abide by all its tenets. You can’t choose what you like about your religion and leave some parts out. Read your religious books and have a personal understanding for yourself. Spiritual enlightenment will always keep you out of the hands of charlatans looking to prey on vulnerable people. If you are not a religious person, you need to stick to your personal philosophy nonetheless. An amoral person is not a lawless person.


  1. Groom yourself. Keep your appearance neat. You never know who you might meet. From your clothing to your hair and breath, always look tidy as much as possible when you are in public. A slovenly appearance means people wouldn’t take you seriously.


  1. Be responsible sexually. Use protection and try to keep as few sexual partners as possible. AIDS is still very real. Antibiotic resistant strains of usually curable sexual infections are also cropping up. Hepatitis and HPV (Human Papillomavirus) infections as well as Herpes are other non-curable sexually transmitted infections most people do not know about. Use the morning after pill or go get the regular contraceptive pill if you want to hit it raw but don’t want to have a baby.


  1. Talk to your parents. They are also human beings like you, not monsters. When we become adolescents we often get off on the wrong end of our parents’ challenges and arguments. When we become adults, they give us more leeway than we usually think we do. You won’t find out until you have had a conversation with them. Parents are surprisingly warmer than we give them credit for. After all they were once like us.


  1. There are NO fake friends. There are different levels of friendship. We tend to have very few friends close to us. Most of the times we are just acquainted with a lot of people we share specific interests with. Sometimes we invest so much time and resources with people who honestly don’t see us in the same way. In male relationship circles, trust is small and only earned after shared experiences and recommendations. This does not mean you should cut people off. Even rogues have their uses. It is necessary to remain cordial even if distant. Keep your circle of friends small and your acquaintances big.


  1. Be responsible on social media. Do not unnecessarily antagonize people online. As much as possible keep your social media footprint as low as possible. Have fun and do not take everything too seriously. Be cordial and do not post anything you wouldn’t want your employees and close friends and family to see online.


  1. You are entitled to an INFORMED Don’t talk about what you don’t know. You will only look like a fool. If you don’t know, keep quiet and observe. Google is your friend. A quick search will make you look like the wisest person on planet earth.


  1. Be polite. Even when people come across as jerks and silly, remain in control and polite. Some people suck at first impressions. I know. I am one of them. Do not use unfamiliarity as an excuse to be rude. Unless you are hard pressed to get out of a situation just be firm but polite about your refusal. It is not polite to air people as well.


  1. Keep an open mind. In a confusing age of gender fluidity and sexual orientation, it is important to keep an open mind and respect other people. The fact that someone might be gay does not mean he or she is an abominable creature. It is not your place to question their motives or “convert” them. Just avoid unsavory topics you would rather not broach with them.


  1. You are not entitled to anything. You are not going to get the best of everything. People will be rude to you and ignore you. You would feel left out of things. You would feel alone sometimes. This is when you need to understand your nature and believe in yourself. This sounds contradictory to the first few points I may have made earlier. Your faith is not a guarantee of anything. Do not go shoving it down other people’s throats. People will love you more for your personality than your faith.


  1. Learn to be socially pleasant. As an introvert there is nothing I want to do more than flee crowded places most of the time. With time however I have become something of an ambivert. Simply by being pleasant and making conversation rather than speaking only when spoken to, I have been mistaken to be outgoing on a couple of occasions. Social conduct is a skill anyone can learn. Don’t be rude in the name of being introverted.


  1. Your partner must be your friend. I know for us males, sometimes we set out to “hunt” and run girls so they can be our girlfriends. This ends up with having romantic connections to someone who barely knows us and vice versa. In this turbulent decade, it is prudent to get to know your partner and be friends who can talk about any subject other than yourself. Relationships are built on trust. This trust is fueled by friendship and camaraderie.


  1. People will come and go. It is hard to keep positive memories of people after having a falling out. It is important to remain cordial even when you don’t want to. Let the past be the past. There is nothing you can do about it. Look forward to the future and better relationships.


  1. Spend time with yourself and appreciate your own company. Self-evaluation is very important if you are identifying your strengths and weaknesses. Assess yourself. Take note of negative habits. Work on them. When you know yourself, and appreciate and work on your flaws, no one can make you feel inferior ever. You are your best friend and your worst enemy.



Coming of age means that you would be expected to take up certain roles in your religious faith and social circles. They also come with their own pressures and expectations. I would outline a few things from my experience.

  1. Be prepared. DON’T accept a position if you know you can’t make time for it. Organizations require professional commitments which can sometimes clash with other responsibilities. If you know you aren’t prepared to handle the responsibilities which come with the position then please, flee.


  1. Be professional when you are in the position. Even if you later change your mind on why you accepted the position, you need to act responsibly until a replacement is found for you. A lack of commitment can hurt future recommendations which you might require in the future. Help the team in the best of efforts you can contribute.


  1. Do not second-guess the actions of your superiors. They might be facing the same dilemmas mentioned in points 1 and 2. In your criticism be constructive and mindful of what you say or do. If you are not happy about certain decisions, express them in the most appropriate of ways. Organizations move forward better when all contributors are transparent.



Whew! I think I’m done for now. I can’t think of anything more to say for now. Adulthood requires responsibility. Just keep your head down and talk to your parents and you’ll be fine most of the time. Remember. E go bee.



Writer’s Note

5 years ago I started blogging my poetry without a single clue as to what I was doing. Now with 141 posts, 6115 views and 3660 visitors later I am awed and humbled at your response to my page.

It has however reached the point where I have little left in the tank after 9 years of steady writing. I feel a little weary. Nonetheless it is with a heavy heart that I make this little announcement.

I’m going on an indefinite break from poetry and related activities. I do not know how long it would take; maybe I’ll change my mind in a jiffy hehe. For now however I’m taking a break to recharge my batteries and focus on other projects I am working on in my life. Hopefully I should be back before long.

I leave you with this.

Write like your life depends on it. Write for you so others will be compelled to read your stories. Write what you see and hear and taste and feel and think. It will be yours wholly, through and true. That has been my story these past few years.

See you soon.

Yours Truly,

Sena Frost


I’ll be 25 somewhere next month. A quarter century charley. I’m no longer that young but I’m not that old either. 24 has been crazy. I learned many important lessons while I was this age. Now that I am going firmly into my mid 20s it’s only right I spill some wisdom.

When it comes to love and relationships, do not assume you are always blameless. When you are constantly complaining and not communicating because you put yourself on the moral high ground, you miss the most important things. Even worse you end up doing the things you are complaining about. Not every day talk, sometimes just listen and observe. You are not infallible.

Do not make your partner doubt you over anything. Even if you don’t see the harm in it, you may affect your partner’s psyche and set a negative tone to your relationships. No relationship is perfect, not even the one with religious overtones. It comes down to what is good for both of you.

When dealing with strangers trade information. Don’t leave it as one sided street because even though you might be interested in a friendship, silence communicates hostility when getting to know someone. A conversation that turns into an interrogation or a monologue is an indicator the person doesn’t care about getting to know you.

Your feelings don’t count so much. It’s your thoughts that do. If you always act on your emotions when dealing with people you will almost always be disappointed. The trick is to let your thoughts and emotions balance each other out. Observation is critical to the thought process. There is nothing like the right fit. You always have to shoehorn to fit perfectly with someone else but if you keep doing that so much especially when the other party’s actions do not fit or deserve your feelings towards them then check your thoughts.

Finally always always be yourself. Like-minded people almost always gravitate towards each other. If your friends start drifting away it may not always be your fault. They might be facing a paradigm shift in their outlook towards life. Don’t be pushed to be who you are not. You are not meant to be friends with everyone or be a relationship mechanic. For communication to be effective there always has to be a sender and a receiver.


Don’t work with friends. Chances are they will always undermine your work ethics and sabotage you at every turn. Business doesn’t require sentimentality. When you are working with friends and they refuse to pay you or underpay you for your services which wasn’t in your agreement, cut them off. They will only stifle your growth.

Start working on your dreams in the darkness and wait for them to start bearing fruit before discussing with friends or family you trust. Let them be concrete and watertight so you know how to present and defend your idea in front of an imaginary panel of critics. Read more into what you want to do and prepare a business plan so it doesn’t just stay in your head. It is alive and can come to life at any moment.
Develop a serious approach to work. If you cannot work for someone wholeheartedly, you will not be wholeheartedly involved in your own endeavors. For all the wannabe entrepreneurs out there I say this, embrace the 9-5 life. There is nothing wrong with having a day job while building up your dream career. Jobs are not supposed to be sentimental. While it would be toxic to work for a bad boss it also builds up your character in handling people like that you might come across while building your career. Do not quit so easily unless it has serious repercussions on your wellbeing. Starting your own thing is always hard and if you do not have a steady flow of capital to hold you up you will go bust. No one invests in dreams, they invest in seeds. If you have no trust fund to set you up charley you have to work for a pay slip.


You are growing up. It is only natural your family starts addressing you as an adult rather than an overgrown child. Cash flow will become limited and you are expected to help take care of miscellaneous bills in the house. It is only fair you contribute to the upkeep of the house. However that is the exception and not the rule. If you suddenly become a breadwinner find out what is going on. Things may not be as they seem. You are required to take care of your family in your own small way. Family is everything and you best learn when contributing actively to yours by taking some of the responsibilities as your own.

In social circles it is normal to aspire to positions of responsibilities. Whether it is in your religious group or school or class year group or even being in charge of something at work, responsibilities shape you up more to be a better person and a positive role model. You do not always have to be a natural leader to take up a position. Leadership is learned.

The best part of responsibilities are you are not alone. You get to ask older and more experienced people questions to make you understand your role better.



This is a path I try to tread carefully because to be honest it goes against my nature. I refuse to submit and wholly believe something I can’t grasp in totality. My faith is fundamental at best and always subject to intense scrutiny. I am Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ. It is enough for me. Everything else is relative to how I treat others. The most important commandment in Christianity is loving your neighbor as yourself. In today’s world so many youth are concerned with spiritual breakthrough that they forget the basic tenets their faith is built on. Understand your your faith. Anything that does not allow you to use your God-given gifts to better yourself and other people is morally wrong. The issue of morality lies in a more psychological plane and my philosophies about spirituality drive me to a similar conclusion. It is however good to have faith and support it with work however.  “14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. (James 14-17, NKJV)”

Be tolerant of other people’s views on religion even if you don’t agree. Not everyone was raised the same way you were. You can’t win someone over by coerced arguments and intolerance. Hitler and IS and all the terrorist groups are proof of that. Show not tell. The best way you can bring someone to faith is by living according to it not just talking about it.

You are the most important person in the world. You are the only one who absolutely takes care of yourself. No one will be 100% down for you. It is a rat race and ultimately you are responsible for yourself and actions. Love yourself. Understand why you do the things you do. Challenge everything. Try new things. Make mistakes. Be yourself. Appreciate your life because you will never know when you will die.


I am done. 25 promises to be great. Quarter century here I come. Oh one more thing. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up. I leave you with this.

“Rejoice, O young man, in your youth,
And let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth;
Walk in the ways of your heart,
And in the sight of your eyes;
But know that for all these
God will bring you into judgment. “
(Ecclesiastes 11:9, NKJV)




Hold your horses! Before you go on any further, I need you to critically think about it and choose your next words carefully. If everyone was equal who would clean your offices? Who would serve you that lovely food at that expensive restaurant? Who would be selling water in traffic under the blazing sun just so you can parch your thirst? Who would battle mosquitos just so you can buy airtime late at night? Who would go unwashed the whole day just so you can arrive early to work or home?
I grew up from humble beginnings, sharing a room with my sibling and parents. I remember being jealous and sometimes resentful of my cousins and their better clothes and so many toys. It was no different when I went to boarding school. All the rich kids and their provisions and good shoes and what not. I would sit in my corner green with envy.
Sometime in the recent past I told myself one thing; it doesn’t matter. I am who I am and I have my peculiar gifts. I’ve lost a lot of interest in the things I could not have; always on top of the range with the newest tech, the best clothes, going to the nicest places and generally, having the choicest part of life it might seem.
It is all impossible to compete with those born with a silver spoon in their mouths at the game of having things. You’ll either try to fit in (and they would laugh at you for trying and you still won’t fit in) or just be your own man. Appreciating what you have and being kind are more important than setting out to having the best of everything. You need to look no further than David slaying Goliath or Leicester City winning the 2015-16 English Premier League to realize that appreciating who you are is necessary for miracles to happen.
It is necessary to have smaller people doing the work you would be ashamed of doing because they are right where they need to be at that particular moment in time. If you were in their shoes in the fight for survival would you do what they are doing?
Contentment requires great sacrifice. It requires you to cast away dreams of acquiring material wealth and being more than yourself. In return, it lays the secret of the universe at your feet; love. I wouldn’t say I’m perfect but then the path to perfection is progress. If it was that easy everyone would do it.
In 1 Corinthians 1:26-28 (NIV) the bible says, “26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not to nullify the things that are,”
Learning to love yourself and respecting those who are not in the same position you are the key to equality in eternity. We were all born and we will all die. We are human and do everything human beings do. We are people; inherently selfish and crooked. Letting go of that inborn desire to assert ourselves is the first step to achieving inner peace. This is only possible in a world of inequality. The ‘natural’ order is only temporary because  all we want is to be relevant despite our many flaws and wishes. God either gives you weapons to defend yourself with or quick feet to run away when attacked. Lions have to eat and buffalo and gazelles have to raise their young. Everything is part of the circle of life.
It is only unfortunate people equate being selfish to loving themselves. I believe if you are able to understand yourself with your strengths and weaknesses, you would understand the next person and how people are. You would pity unkind people because in treating others badly they fail to realize they do not treat themselves well.
The next time you see one of those kids begging you for spare change, give if you have. If you don’t have don’t be violent. Nothing good ever came out of taking anything by force.
Envy is a strong motivator. How you use it is up to you. I am unconcerned about what the next person has that I do not have because I am where I am supposed to be at this very moment in time.
Are you?

© Sena Frost 2k16



Or an artist to be precise. There are so many people who parade themselves as such. Just because you have a little skill at putting nice sentences together doesn’t make you a poet or drawing people to perfection an artist.

Art is one of the greatest gifts God gave to man. It is a direct albeit weakened description of His power; the ability to create. A painter breathes life into his painting, likewise a writer into his writing.

The ability to draw observers to your work and by observers I don’t mean those who go gaga at your wordplay or your effortless skill at rendering the human physique or how well you sing or dance. I mean those who sit down and interact with your work because of its inherent depth (or lack of it), those who go beyond the media into the reason behind the work to appreciate true beauty.

Beauty. A very ambiguous subject. It’s the reason why a footballer moving a ball would be adored by fans, a shapely woman gawped and have men at her feet, a morsel of food photographed and paraded like a piece of gold which incredulously is valuable because it is so nice to look at.

The greatest artists of the ages transcended what was viewed as the standards. It is not enough to be part of the latest fad and enjoy the centre stage. Each word and brushstroke and move is your gift to the world. What are you leaving behind after the show is over? People happy with how good you are or people getting better because you touched them in places where hands don’t go?

Would you be remembered as a candle easily snuffed by the wind of time or a star whose dying nova spawns even greater stars?

Art is a legacy, built for the future. Think about it the next time you are going to do what you love.


© Sena Frost 2k16