F X C K B X Y

AN OLD SCHOOL REUNION

This beach party is lit! You can’t remember the last time you had so much fun. You make a mental note to thank your boys for insisting you come out to rave. The music floats over the mass of gyrating bodies. They writhe to the tempo of the shivering speakers. You’re not much of a dancer, so you’re lounging against a coconut tree, sipping from your cup. In the semi-darkness, you can see couples trailing off further into the beach. A dying bonfire flickers in the distance. That’s when you notice her.

It’s been six years since you last saw her. A pimply teen hiding behind her much taller friends; she hasn’t changed much since SHS. She looks good in her tank top and booty shorts. She still wears her hair in a close crop and moves like she’s in a hurry. Tonight, she is with company. Behind her is a hulk of a man. He leans in to say something to her. She giggles. Ah, she still has the dimple.

You sidle up to her and greet her. Her eyes widen in recognition, and she steps in to embrace you. She introduces you to her companion. You exchange curt nods and a perfunctory handshake. The music is loud, so you motion to her with your phone. You drink in her face, reflected in its glow. She taps her number into it. She hands the phone over to you and embraces you one more time. Another nod and she slips back into the crowd in the company of the man she came with.

2 Weeks Later

You lean back against your chair. The chandelier overhead glitters, lending a diffused light to the jazz music gliding through the space. You don’t usually play dress-up and eat at fancy places like this, but she does. She has told you she is a fine diner and that food courts and KFC are for high school kids. Across from you, she eats daintily. You are relieved that she hasn’t noticed you used the fork with your right hand. You listen as she talks. She tells you how annoying her colleagues at work are. She talks about her boss and how he always finds an excuse to get her into his office. She doesn’t like him, especially since he’s married. You are attentive. It is important to her, so it is important to you. You don’t have much to say, but it does not matter.

You are almost rueful as you drop her off in front of her place. She still lives with her mom. Before she gets down, she turns to embrace you and then kisses you on the lips instead. It goes on forever then she abruptly breaks away. You spy her still standing in the doorway as you pull away. You do not want the evening to end.

The next day she apologises for kissing you. You tell her not to worry. She tells you it’s serious and her boyfriend would kill her if he ever found out. You remind her you aren’t friends with him anyway. Her secret is safe with you. She sends you a picture. You return the favour.

A While Later

You hear a knock on your door. You open it, and she is there. Even in her work clothes, she looks supreme. She isn’t smiling. You playfully mock her slightly skewed wig. She lets out a sigh, but she smiles. You ask her if anything is the matter. She says it’s nothing and she’s just nervous. She takes off her jacket and walks around your space. She said she didn’t expect it to be so put together. You tell her you’ve been cleaning because she said she was coming over. She laughs and says that’s the opposite of what her boyfriend would do. You shrug and smile.

You are both snuggled in front of the TV. She says she loves your taste in movies, but your khebab seller, not so much. She says her boyfriend’s energy has shifted, and he doesn’t care about her. You say nothing for a while. Then you tell her you first noticed her in SHS after morning assembly one day, but you were too shy to approach her then. You tell her it’s not a coincidence she has met you now. She goes briefly silent, then says you should have because she’s always thought you guys would have been an item. She pulls deeper into your embrace, and you start making out. You don’t notice when the TV goes off because you’re in the middle of sex. She keeps saying “oh” as you twist her body into positions she has never found herself in before. Afterwards, she puts her clothes on in silence and leaves. She does not call or text when she gets home. You call her on phone, but she does not answer. She does not respond to your texts either.

The following morning you wake up to a long text message from her. She says she was a fool for coming over to your place. She says she trusted you, and you never stopped her even though you knew she had a boyfriend. She says she realises you were only ever in for the sex, and that’s why you have been withholding your feelings. She says she cannot believe she was naïve and let old feelings control her so much.

You call, but the line never connects. You send a text but it comes back, undelivered.

THE COMPLIMENT

 You have been sitting in the bank for a little over an hour now. You are a little annoyed with yourself. If you weren’t careless, you wouldn’t have misplaced your wallet with your ATM card and IDs. The queue inches along slowly. You contemplate leaving, but it is the start of the weekend and you don’t have any spare cash. Your disappointment sinks in even further.

The teller waves you over. She is perched on the edge of her seat. It is evident she is no less miffed about proceedings than you are. You glance at your watch. It is lunchtime, no less. You apologise for coming in during her lunch break and offer to get her a meal if she doesn’t mind. You end your statement with “It would be my pleasure to have lunch with a beautiful lady like you.” Her posture changes, and she is visibly pleased. You look closer. The scooped neckline of her African print dress reveals her buxom bosom. She is on the big side but that has never stopped you before. She smiles and hands you her card along with your cash. She has scrawled her personal number under the official lines and tells you to call her. She touches your hand surreptitiously as you take it and tells you to have a nice day. You smile and bid her same. Perhaps there is a silver lining in this grey day after all.

You call her around eight pm that evening. She picks up and says she has been expecting your call. You talk for about thirty minutes over nothing in particular. She tells you where she lives, and you realise she lives in your neighbourhood. You tell her where you live, and she says she will surprise you one of these days. She lets slip that she loves local food. You tell her you will take her out the following day then. She says, “Ei bra. I thought you were joking.” You tell her you are a man of your word and you don’t make promises you can’t keep especially when it comes to what you eat.

The following day she comes to your house and you both go to a chop bar. She marvels at the way you eat. You spend less time talking and just eat. On the drive from there, she tells you she hasn’t been on such an outing before and most men want to take ladies to a restaurant to show that they have money. She says she is grateful because she is never satisfied with restaurant food unless it is takeaway. She tells you to stop a few metres away from her house because she doesn’t want her neighbours to see she is bringing a man home. You laugh out loud and she frowns. She gets down and you watch her walk away.

You call her when you get home and you talk for quite a while. She finds out she is older than you and she sighs. She apologises for not letting you into her house and admits her mother has been pressuring her to get married and have a baby. She tells you about how she was almost married and discovered a month before the wedding that her fiancé had a whole other family with children. She tells you she thinks you are a nice person even though your age worries her. She asks you to come to church with her the following morning, but you decline. She says one day you will not be able to say no. You laugh over the phone.

She comes over after church and is carrying a covered basket. She tells you she brought you food since she knows you live alone. You tell her she didn’t have to but she tells you she doesn’t mind. She says your place is nice but you need a woman’s touch. You tell her you don’t mind doing the cooking and cleaning. She frowns and tells you a man should not do those things. You turn on the TV but she tells you she doesn’t like your kind of movies unless it is an “adventure or war film.” She says she likes horror too but she cannot watch it alone. You have a nice conversation with her and thank her for the food. She leaves and you eat it. You are surprised by how much you enjoy it.

During the week she drops by with food before she goes to work. You drop her off at work before you continue on since you both leave early. She never responds to your texts and tells you she’s not a fan of texting. You answer by sending her a poem. On the phone that evening she tells you the poem was very nice and she wasn’t expecting it. She tells you it got her wet and she had to get up from her seat at work. The whole conversation takes a sexual tone and she tells you she doesn’t like her body and that is why she cannot get a man. You tell her you love her body. She has a beautiful smile and gives the best hugs. You crack some more jokes. She laughs.

At three am you wake up to a message from her. It is a nude of her. You are surprised because you did not expect it. You tell her her body is hot and you send her a dick pic because she has woken junior up. She does not bring it up in any phone conversations you have that week.

She calls you early on Sunday morning. You take the call and ask her if she isn’t going to church. She says she’s on her way to your end. You end the call and hurriedly jump into the bathroom. You look over to the pile of unwashed bowls and your clothes lying around and groan.

You are still in the bathroom when you hear the knock. You throw your towel on and let her in. She is dressed casually and carrying her usual offering to you. You apologise for the mess. You tell her to feel at home while you finish up. You go and complete your bath. When you come out you realise she has folded your clothes and washed the bowls. She has also served the food she brought with her. You notice she brought bananas and groundnuts and has set them aside. You thank her for everything and sit down to eat. While you eat she tells you she woke up and she didn’t feel good that’s why she decided not to go to church. She said she has been feeling someway and so she had to see you. You nod and say you don’t mind. You don’t have any plans for the day in any case. She says she knows as she gets up to clear the table. Her rump rubs against you while she does. She drops the bowls in the kitchen.

She comes out the kitchen and puts off the light. You notice she has drawn the curtains in the room. She kisses you, and you understand where this is going. She undresses and straddles you. She shakes her head when you tell her you want to get a condom. You have sex several times.

She no longer speaks for as long as she used to when she calls, but she comes over after work on most days to have sex with you. She only brings food intermittently. You don’t mind. One day on a call, she tells you; you fuck well even though you are younger. You tell her age is just a number. She tells you she will stop coming to your place because the neighbours at your place have seen her and have started gossiping. You tell her it doesn’t matter. She tells you she cannot date someone younger and she doesn’t like people talking about her. You tell her you are just fucking, not dating. She gets angry. It turns into an argument and she cuts the line.

You no longer hear from her. You go to her place and the neighbours tell you she has left the area. You go to the bank where she works and you are told she has transferred to another branch in another region. You laugh out loud and you tell your friends about the whole situation. They clap your back and tell you you’re the man. You do not feel like it.

A YEAR LATER

You are bored and keep switching between apps on your phone. You switch to Instagram, scrolling through Reels, not finding anything remotely interesting. You come across a picture of the banker. You smile. It has been a while. You check out her profile. In the third post on her profile, you see a spitting image of you walking in and out of frame as she croons.

IMESSAGE GAMES

It’s two twenty-seven am on a Tuesday and you cannot sleep. You scroll aimlessly through the timeline. You chance across a tweet from a Twitter follower. It reads, “iMessage games anyone?” She looks pretty in her avi but her media is full of memes so you can’t get an accurate read. You decide to take a leap and send her a DM with your Apple ID. Moments later, a notification pops up on your phone. It’s Word Hunt. You lose mercilessly in all the games she sends.

This continues for a few months. You don’t have any conversations, just a drubbing in word games but winning everything else. You go over to her profile. One day you ask her if she would like to hang out. She says if you beat her at Word Hunt, she will think about it. You do but your win makes you suspicious. She tells you she wants to see the city from the hills. You groan inwardly when you realise what she means. You don’t have a car.

You ask your friend to lend you his car and he agrees, only because he knows you’re about to score. You tell him you appreciate the offer and you will return it with a full tank.

The “date” is looking like a lot of money, and you realise you don’t even know what she looks like. You make a joke out of it, and she floods your messages with pictures and videos. You are stunned. She’s really pretty. You look forward to meeting her now. You send her your regular photos since you hardly take photos. You can’t gauge her reaction but you hope they are good enough.

You meet up at the mall around nine pm. You see her first and call her by her Twitter handle. She is taller than you imagined. She walks over and embraces you. You compliment her and she becomes bashful. She says you really suck at taking pictures because you look much better in person. She’s dressed for the view and is carrying a bag of snacks. In the back seat, you have a cooler full of drinks. The chat on the drive is all about the latest Twitter gossip and trends. She tells you she produces a radio talk show and she spends her days gaming because she gets bored easily. You tell her she’s wicked at iMessage games and she laughs. She tells you she let you win because she was bored and she’s glad she took you up on your offer.

You reach the top of the hill and park. The view is worth the drive. You sit in silence and just contemplate. You’re aroused and cannot think of anything else other than spreading her over the backseat of the car. You are patient, however, and you artfully slide over to her. She says nothing as you wrap an arm around her while sipping on the drinks. Your hand brushes against her chest and she says something but you don’t hear her. She frees herself and goes into the car to grab another drink and you follow from the other side. You fall into a kiss. She looks at you surprised but she kisses you back. You start making out. She raises an eyebrow and says, “Nigga came prepared,” when you produce a condom from your pocket. You chuckle and proceed to have sex in the car.

She texts you when she gets home. “Bro, that was unexpected but fun. Thanks.” You smile at your phone. She starts texting you more often and sends you tweets to laugh about. You go out with her on Friday nights. You end up at her place each time. You sleep over but are always gone by morning.

You don’t like that she’s texting and trying to call you every time, but you put up with it. You’re just out to have a bit of fun. You notice she is retweeting a lot of things about fuckboys and men and situationships. You don’t care.

She calls you incessantly one night, and you refuse to pick up. She then sends you an iMessage games request. You play and lose. Her text bubble appears and disappears for what seems like forever on your screen. She sends a long message about not wanting this and questions if you aren’t taking her seriously because she let you smash on the first date. You feel insulted but keep reading. She texts in all caps that she wants something more than a “wyd” every weekend, and she reiterates that she is NOT an escort. She says you have no idea the tears she sheds every night because of you and she hopes you burn in hell.

You read through the message twice and you cannot think of an appropriate response. You know she will pull the classic block move after a message like this, and yet you are almost relieved by the thought. You close the chat and turn over to sleep. Maybe if you ignore her, she will actually go away.

WORK WIFE

You hit it off instantly from your first day. She was assigned to you, so you came up to speed on office workings. It is not long before tongues are wagging about matchmaking her with you. You don’t care. You are here to work and mingle. She is really sweet but not your type. You wouldn’t say no if something were to happen, you think to yourself.

You buy her lunch and she reciprocates the following day. You do it so often that you have an unofficial timetable and menu for the week. She comes to your desk whenever she’s free to chat with you. You exchange jokes and ignore the ribald comments some male colleagues make. You don’t call or text her after work. She usually leaves a half hour early, and you don’t know why, but you never ask.

Your friendship gets really close and you find yourself being a little more handsy when you hug her at work or go over to her desk. She never complains even though your colleagues give disapproving comments sometimes. You start texting and calling her after work and you talk deep into the night. Suddenly she doesn’t look so bad anymore. One day you sneak in a kiss after lunch and she responds vigorously. You tell her you’re becoming like the characters in Grey’s Anatomy, and all you need is a closet where you can do things. She smiles and says nothing.

One Friday after work, you ask her out for drinks. She tells you she would love to, but she really has to get home. You get offended but you don’t say anything. You give her the cold shoulder for a few days but by the middle of the week, you are back to normal. She apologises with your favourite lunch meal. As both of you eat she tells you she leaves early because she has a child; a girl. She has to go pick her up from her mom’s and she really doesn’t have time for anything else. You are surprised and ashamed and you realise her wallpaper makes sense now. You have always assumed it was her niece.

You text her on a holiday, and she mentions she’s bored at home because her daughter is at her grandparents’. You invite her to the beach, and you stay out late. Both of you have a lot to drink, and you check into the beach resort for the night and end up having sex. She confesses that she is divorced and hasn’t been in any relationship since then. She says she had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a man, but ever since she saw you, she had been hopeful that it would lead somewhere positive. You say nothing as you play with the beads around her waist. You have some more sex and check out the following day.

The knowing eyes follow both of you as you report to work late. You now have extended lunch breaks to eat. HR eventually issues both of you a warning. You laugh it off even as she expresses worry. She tells you she can’t wait to introduce you to her daughter, but the idea doesn’t enthuse you. You tell her you will meet her in time. You fail to notice the dismay in her eyes.

Your work marriage continues without much incident until one day, you face the unexpected. You enter the office, and your colleagues clap you on the back saying how beautiful your stepdaughter is. You go to your desk and she is standing there with her daughter in her seat. She is telling her about her special friend who works with her. You cannot hide the disapproval on your face but you fake a smile and talk to her. You make an excuse not to have lunch with her and her daughter that day.

You tell her to stop whining when she says you have changed towards her. You start avoiding her calls and get up when she comes to your desk. She tries to buy you lunch that week but you reject it. You make up an excuse to say that you are fasting. Eventually, everything cools between the two of you. Your work marriage ends.

It is the End of Year Party. You have had a lot to drink. You find yourself alone with her and you try to kiss her. She tells you you’ve had a lot to drink and you told her you don’t want to do anything with her so she has moved on. You tell her that even though she is nice, she is not your type and you don’t want anything to do with a born-one because you don’t see yourself taking care of another man’s child. She flinches at the remark and slaps you.

You watch her walk away and wish you hadn’t said that.

© Sena Frost “23